My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
