Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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