I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
