the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
