It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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