this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
