I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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