Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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