Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
