Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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