she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
