If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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