ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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