i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
