I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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