escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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