Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
