I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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