I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
In America we eat man semen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
