Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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