Barsexuality is the new black.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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