my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
