The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
