You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
