I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
