I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
