New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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