This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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