FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
