No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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