haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
