at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
