We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
