dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
