That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
