My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
