My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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