She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
