Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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