How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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