I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
