So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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