you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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