When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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