nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
