I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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