can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
