So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
