we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
