Duck Duck Cougar?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
