i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night