Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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