This girl is more easily done than said...
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
