i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
