I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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