like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
