It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
