We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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