he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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