Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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