So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
