No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
