Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
