but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
