Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
