ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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