Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
