hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
