so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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