he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
