I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
