She is in my trunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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