I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
