Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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