Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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