He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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