I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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