i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
