Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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