im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
