i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
